I noticed this week the competitive nature of my own workings. Ofcourse, I have never understood it like before. It really struck a cord with me when Rama talked about judgment and criticism being competitiveness. I had never looked at it from that point of view and I am thankful for this insight on judgment. I feel like my pattern of my mind is to be competitive, but the underlying truth is lack of self worth. Looking back on things in my life that my ego tells me is failure is one of the hardest things for me to do. Again, a good example of the showing of the dichotomies; light versus dark, success versus failure, etc. I have been competing in my work, instead of loving my work. I saw the opportunity of my work to be like a ball and chain, not something life-giving and fun. I am naturally hard working woman. I am a Mexican. My people have been working and laboring in fields and shit jobs for a long time. I don’t have problems with that part, but I do not enjoy the work. I don’t send it out or let it go. My mind tells me that it has to be perfect or else. I ask it, OR ELSE WHAT? I feel like I need to enjoy what I do and I need to stop doing jobs that I don’t like doing or that it is not my calling. I have had a glimpse of what my calling is, but have yet to really be there. Right now, my calling is motherhood. I love it with everything in my being and right now, I am enough. I don’t need to compete with myself anymore.